Your NFL Logue Guide to Football Snacking

By Brett | Permalink | 1 comment | September 14th, 2006 | Trackback

We here at NFL Logue love football season for many reasons, not the least of which is that it gives us a reason to shove our faces full of junk food on weekly basis. Not that we don’t do that the rest of the year. We just don’t have a reason the rest of the year. Hey, we’ll come clean: we’re snackers.

However, we’re firm believers that not all snacks are created equal, and while there are many wonderful options full of heart-stopping goodness for football snacking, some snack treats are just flat-out not appropriate for consumption during a game.

We’ve compiled a list of official NFL Logue Approved Nosh, and have also taken the liberty of pointing out foods that, for the sake of your football viewing enjoyment, should be avoided. Because, after all, the only thing worse than having to watch your team get its ass handed to it is having to watch your team get its ass handed to it while eating a spinach salad.

Official NFL Logue Approved Snacks:

1. Pizza. Obviously. Veggie pizza is not acceptable, and cheese pizza is acceptable only in the New York Metropolitan area. Everywhere else, you better have some meat on that pie.

2. Brats, dogs, schnitzel, and any other sausage. Any meat in which the actual body part of the animal from which said meat is derived is not easily identifiable is OK by us.

3. Chili. Not our favorite, to be honest, but it works.

4. Wings. Doesn’t matter what type of bird they’re from, as long as they’re smokin’ hot and come equipped with a vat full of bleu cheese dressing and some limp celery sticks.

5. Burgers. Your basic cheeseburger is fine, but a double-pattied, double-cheese, bacon burger is even better. Chicken/Turkey burgers work too, if you suffer from vegetarianism.

6. Chips n’ Dip. There are several variations on this theme, but our favorite is the standard ruffles ‘n ranch. You really can’t beat it. Some variations of this theme are ethnic in nature, such as tortilla chips and salsa/guacamole, for example. Because we value diversity, we encourage such multi-ethnic snack choices.

7. Random Fried Things. Mozarella sticks, potato skins, cheesy poofs, and any other breaded/deep fried appetizer that you might expect to see on a TGI Friday’s menu.

8. Beek/pork. Any beef or pork product that did not merit specific mention above is acceptable, although we say that with a degree of hesitation. We love a good steak or pork chop as much as the next guy, but we just can’t see going that route with so many other quality options to be had. Same goes for sandwiches. The exception, of course, is if you’re having a large football watching gathering at your place, in which case “The Big Sandwich” is clearly a viable option.

9. Breakfast. For West Coasters, you’re likely to be doing breakfast during the first game of the day. Acceptable breakfasts include steak ‘n eggs, biscuits ‘n gravy, your basic eggs/hashbrowns/bacon/sausage type thing, and pancakes (if you get a side of bacon and/or sausage). French toast is out, as are crepes and other pastries. We know that those of you in Northern California and the Pacific Northwest might fancy a smoked salmon scramble every now and again, but save that shit for summertime. It’s football season. Focus up.

Official NFL Logue Banned Snacks:

1. Garden burgers, veggie burgers, or boca burgers. We actually really enjoy Dr. Praeger’s veggie burgers. But, hey…there’s a time and a place, and football season ain’t it.

2. Tofu dogs. You know what, let’s just make this easy: anything with tofu either as a primary or secondary ingredient is hereby banned for life from any and all NFL Logue functions.

3. Hummus and veggie sticks/pita. It just doesn’t work.

4. Anything with the word “rice” or “soy” in it.

5. Nuts. Unless, of course, said nuts are stategically positioned on your coffee table so that they can be used as a prop when you glorify yourself in front of your friends after one of your fantasy players scores and you give them the classic “deez nutz in ya’ mouth” line. We encourage all usage of food as a prop for your shit-talking needs.

Official NFL Logue Approved Beverages:

1. Coffee, black.
2. Beer

Official NFL Logue Banned Beverages:

1. EVerything else.

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