MNF Liveblog: Steelers vs. Jags

By Brett | Permalink | 1 comment | September 18th, 2006 | Trackback

Once agin, we’re going to be liveblogging –which, incidentally, my family is convinced is not a real word– the Monday Night game. The game is set to kick off in at 5:30 PST, following what we’re relative sure will be an insipid intro feature.

After a huge weekend of both college and NFL action, we’re stoked that the football gods send us MNF like manna from heaven, allowing us to drag this out for one more day.

We’re also stoked about the following:

Donovin Darius, SS, Jacksonville
We admit that we don’t get to see the Jags play all that much, and with Darius injured last year, we haven’t seen him play since he clotheslined –as in, almost fucking decapitated– Robert Ferguson of the Packers a couple years back. That was one of the most vicious we’ve ever seen. We’re kind of ashamed to admit (but not really) that’s one of the things we love about watching football. Darius is a nasty hitter, and we’re looking forward to seeing him back in action.

The Fatties
This is a game that will be won and lost in the trenches, which is a classic NFL cliche way of saying, “neither of these teams has any skill position players that really excite us that much.” In this case, though, there really are some great match-ups along the line. Pittsburgh’s O line is probably the best in the league, and DTs Marcus Stroud and John Henderson for Jacksonville are both studs. With the Jag’s missing DE Reggie Hayward and Paul Spicer and MLB Mike Peterson banged up, though, Pittsburgh has the advantage. Nevertheless, this is going to be a good, physical game.

Mike Tice
He’s a big dumb animal, isn’t he folks? We miss Mike Tice being in the NFC North. Reunited with his old buddy Jack “Keep Choppin’ Wood” Del Rio, Tice is now prowling the sidelines in Jacksonville. They might have him relegated to the booth, we’re not really sure. Either way, though, we feel pretty good about the odds of ESPN giving us a shot of him smackin’ away at his gum with a pencil behind his ear. Horrible, horrible coach. Did we mention that we miss him coaching in the NFC North?

Get your liveblog on after the jump…

Jax 9 — Pit 0 FINAL

Pregame
Minutes away from kick-off, and the crew is talking about their predictions. We’re hoping that TJ will call Irvin a retard again.

Looks like Big Ben is going to get the start. Rough few months for the guy, eh?

OK, so at least the insipid intro feature includes some good eye candy.

MNF hasn’t been to J-ville in 5 years? Can’t say we blame ‘em…Jacksonville is an armpit.

Tirico, Theesman, and Kornheiser have to be happy that they’re not going to get upstaged by the back up crew in a doubleheader again. Gimme JAWS, baby! That guy is fucking awesome.

Kornheiser sounds like he’s getting a little more comfortable than he was last week….here’s what we say: The more Kornheiser, the less Theesman, the better.

Is it just us, or does Byron Leftwich look like a giant 12 year old in football gear?

Tafoya’s going off about Big Ben getting the shit sandwich over the last few months. You know, what? We’d settle for a brush with death, an appendectomy, and a guest appearance in a video for shite country band if it came along w/ being a Super Bowl winning QB. Seems like a fair trade to us.

OK, so Hank Williams again…I guess it’s unavoidable, but damn does this song suck ass. We’re going to take this opportunity to get philosophical…if a MNF liveblog happens on the internet, and no one is around to read it, is it still uber-geeky?

First Quarter

Pittsburgh with the ball first. Big Ben looks sharp, 2-2 right out the gate.

Steelers trying to get the ground game going, Jax looking stout. Something tells us that Pitt will keep on pounding it.

What the hell does “he could not complete a football act” mean? Does the guy have to perform a perfect form tackle or kick a field goal on his way to the ground?

And now we’re seeing the new wrinkles of the NFL challenge system, in which the ref can talk the coach out of challenging a play. “You know, coach, we’re not gonna overturn this one. Might as well save it. I don’t even need to see the replay.” How the hell does that work?

Jacksonville Ball, 12:00 1st Quarter, ball somewhere in JAx territory (how’s that for precision)?

Fred Taylor runs on 2nd down, and miraculously, does not break a leg or blow an ACL.

Joey Porter once again showing us that he is a complete fuggin’ nutjob. Love that guy. Here’s hopin’ he kisses someone again.

So, apparently, Leftwich is a giant 12 year old in football gear with a “slingshot rocket arm.” Let the Theesman-QB man love commence.

What does “do the right with Fred Taylor” mean, exactly, Mike Tirico? Does that mean that Leftwich is obligated to marry Taylor, should the two of them have an unplanned pregnancy?

Leftwich evades the pressure, and uses his slingshot rocket arm with the elongated delivery to deliver a strike for a first down. He looks sharp so far.

…And then he gets sacked. Thanks for making us look like assholes, Byron.

Ike Taylor is one of the best CBs in football? Seriously…not so sure about that Joe.

Great pick by the Steelers on 3rd and long! Way to work that tip drill, guys. First big play of the game.

Steelers Ball, 5:16 1st Quarter, ball on the Steelers 37

Um, ok…not sure that we need the close-up of Big Ben’s appendix.

Internal bleeding, a hernia, and shutdown bowels? Fuck sake, Tafoya, is this the fuggin’ discovery channel here? No one cares if Big Ben might shit himself if he takes a nasty hit….and Kornheiser can’t help commenting.

And while we’re not talking about Big Ben’s inside, Joe Theisman is all but fallating him from the booth.

Steelers drive stalls out around mid-field, and they punt it away.

Jags ball, 2:30 1st Quarter, ball on the Jacksonville 16

Mike Tirico giving Fragile Fred a nice backhanded, passive aggressive comment. You can tell that Tirico isn’t real impressed w/ Taylor being the 25th leading rusher in NFL history. Know what? Neither are we.

Nice graphic by ESPN showing the size advantage that Jacksonville’s front court…errr, wide receivers….have on Pittsburgh’s DBs.

Scoreless 1st Quarter comes to an end. Lot of fondling and groping, but neither team looking to seal the deal. Typical.

Steelers ball, 14:45 2nd Quarter, ball on the Pitt 25.

Colclough pummeled by like 9 Jags on the punt.

Jags doing a geat job of gang tackling right now. And Darius delivers his first nasty, cheap hit. That’s we want to see when we watch that guy! Looked kinda marginal to us, but whatever.

Big Ben does a great job of avoiding the hit, and then laying out one of his teammates on 3rd down. That’s a smart QB right there. Pittsburgh punt coming up.

First great shot of Cowher screaming and spitting after an inconsequential 5 yard penalty. ESPN camera’s so close, we can practically see the guy’s esophagus (in HD). Enough w/ the internal ogans in this one, ‘kay guys?

Jags ball, 10:57 2nd Qaurter, ball on the Jax 18

Well executed screen play by Jax, GREAT move by Fred Taylor to avoid a tackle, and then they tack on an extra 15 for roughing the passer….biggest play of the game so far for Jax. Kind of a soft call, if you ask us, but that’s how it is in the NFL these days.

Dick LeBeau has been in the league for 48 freaking years? Jesus. We’ll be lucky to live that long. The Godfather of the Zone Blitz, JT? Maybe we should get LeBeau, Neil Young, and Brando together and they can have a Godfather party.

Jags go for it on 4th and 1. Nevermind. They decide to go for the old hard count play — which NEVER fucking works in the NFL– take the delay of game penalty, and punt it. Pinned the Steelers inside the 5.

We wanted to see the Jags go for it right there, but that’s a good, solid decision right there by Jack Del Rio.

Steelers ball, 7:25 2nd Quarter, ball on their own 4 yard line.

3rd down, dump off, and the Jags LBs do a great job of preventing the 1st down…and, for the first time tonight, we find ourselves agreeing with Joe T.

And we’re taking bets on the nil-nil halftime score.

On the punt, the returner absolutely trucks a teammate. That’s the best hit of the night.

The crew here at NFL Logue HQ has declared that ref looks and sounds like Tony Snow and/or a mongoloid. Their words. Not mine. We didn’t even think that you could say ‘mongoloid’ anymore, but they’re assuring me that you can. You can send your hatemail to me, though.

Jags ball, 5:10 2nd Quarter, ball on their own 24

And Dwayne Wade joins the guys in the booth. Wonder if he’ll hang out as long as Jamie Foxx did last week, or he’ll answer awkward questions about Tom Cruise.

Jags can’t convert on 3rd and 1, and we’ve got another punt coming up. 3 and out. OK, so we’re seeing some great defensive football, but c’mon guys! Let’s see some creativity here. Up the gut on 3rd and 1? Never woulda seen that coming.

Jags down the punt inside the 5 again….they’re definitely winning the field position battle. Which, as we all know, is a nice way of saying that their offense is doing shit, but at least neither is Pittsburgh’s.

Steelers ball, 2:03 2nd Quarter, ball on their own 3 yard line

We’re kind of wondering why Kornheiser hasn’t mentioned his fantasy team tonight? He couldn’t shut up about it last week. Maybe he doesn’t have any Jags or Steelers on his squad.

Is there any chance that HBO will buy the rights to Desperate Housewives, because, you know…it’s kinda killing us on ABC.

Meanwhile, Jags are shutting down the Steelers, and calling timeout so that they can have some time left on the clock when they get the ball back. Good strategy and all, but the Jags haven’t moved the ball all night. What makes them think they can move it all the sudden?

Is it just us, or does Big Ben’s profile pick make him look like a Vegas bookie or something? Not that we know any Vegas bookies. We’re just sayin’.

Seems like the last two minutes of this half are retardly long. And we have to take a monster piss. C’mon, guys…you know neither one of you are going to score, so just fucking end it already so that we can hit the head.

Jags ball, 50 seconds left in the half, ball on their own 45

Two minute drill looking to test our bloggin’ skillz. Penalty on the first play slows things down a bit. Thanks guys.

Jags 1st play goes for 0 zero. Great start guys. Sweet Lord, Byron has a slow delivery.

A dropped pass on 2nd and long probably kills any chance the Jags have of getting into FG range.

Jags bravely run a draw, come up short. 4th and short. Jags trying to figure out what the hell to do, and Joe T surprisingly making a helluva a lot of sense talking about saving enough time for two plays, get into FG range, and get on the scoreboard before halftime. You go, Joe.

Instead, Jags for the Hail Mary and, amazingly, come up short –although Matt Jones actually should’ve had it. And we’re scoreless at halftime. A real treat here, folks.

Time for a piss and some pizza, and we’ll back in 15 or so. If ANYONE is reading this, don’t go anywhere. We’ll be back.

3rd Quarter

Jags ball, 14:00 3rd quarter, ball on their own 45

Fred Taylor getting things going on the ground. Jags run the middle screen again, but nothing doing this time.

And the Jags drive stalls out…which makes this the perfect time to check in on the things we’re stoked about:

Donavin Darius taking a cheap shot? Check.
Fatties runnin’ shit around here? Check.
Mike Tice’s dopey mug? Noticeably absent. Maybe Tice has slipped into irrelevancy.

Steelers ball, 13:00 3rd Quarter, ball on their own 20

Jags come on the blitz and get to Big Ben, and Big Ben’s internal organs appear to be OK.

Great tackling by the Jags again, to force yet another Steelers punt. Great night for tackling by both teams.

Excellent punt by the Steelers, helping to swing field position. This is a very, very well played game right now, even though the score is 0-0. This game may not get great ratings, but both teams are playing excellent defensive football right now.

Jags ball, 10:53 3rd Quarter, ball on their own 27

Jimmy Smith chiming in on the sideline. Call us crazy, but we don’t see big Jim having a future in TV or radio.

Fred Taylor show some moves, squirts his way to a 1st down. We could have a drive here…or, at the very least, something other than a 3 and out.

Jags inside the Steelers’ 40, which is the deepest penetration for either team, per the MNF crew…Jesus, this whole damn game has been played in the middle of the field.

Big 3rd down, and the Jags pick it up! Great throw by Leftwich….and Joe T going off about the ‘margin of error’ again. Highly technical football term.

There it is! Kornheiser glorifying his own fantasy team. We love it!

Blogger down! A cut on our finger…unfortunately, we’re dead serious. Oh, the humiliation.

3rd and 4, great blitx by the Steelers. Larry Foote drills Leftwich, and we’ve got a FG try coming up.

FG is GOOD!!! And we’re on the board, Jags up 3-0…and, the way this one is going, that might be enough. By far, best drive of the night so far for either team.

Steelers Ball, 5:20 3rd Quarter, ball on their own 12 yard line

Santonio Holmes get smoked on the kick-off, and the Jags getting the better of the field position battle again.

These Briscoe High commercials as so unrealistic. I mean, they run a toss right throwback? C’mon…that’s an impossible play to pull off, with your RB throwing across his body like that. Don’t they know anything? Jeez.

Steelers get a 1st down on PI. Otherwise, though, their offense is looking pretty rough…37 plays, 84 yards. And then Big Ben almost picked off.

Great stuff happening here. Kornheiser calls out Joe T for saying the Ben looks like he’s back on one play, then saying he looks uncomfortable on the next. Then, seconds later, Darius blows up Willie Parker.

Steelers to punt again. Jags D just playing a fantastic game.

Jags ball, 4:00 3rd Quarter, ball on their own 16

Time for the Jags to start powering the ball down the field. We’ve gotta believe they’re winning the time of possession battle, which can really be a difference maker in a defensive game like this. This is where the Jags really miss Greg Jones.

Jags run a little bubble to the slot on 2nd and 9. For the record, we HATE that play call, unless you’re throwing it to Steve Smith or Santana Moss.

Two in a row to Matt Jones on the sideline. Looks like they can run that all night.

Jones again! 3rd time this drive, 5th catch of the night. And Kornheiser loves it!

End of the 3rd. Jags totally dominated that quarter, as evidenced by the 3 points that they somehow managed to score.

Jags feeding the ball to Taylor. You know, we just don’t like the way that guy runs the ball. Too much dancing. Now is the time to put your head down and pick up the tough yards.

Jags decide to punt on 4th down instead of going for a 54 yard FG. It’s a conservative call, but one that we agree with. The Steelers haven’t done anything on offense all night, so you might as well rely on your defense to stop ‘em again. No need to give the Steelers good field position at this point in the game.

Steelers ball, 13:264th Quarter, ball on their own 20

Jags shutting the Steelers ground game right now, but we like the Steelers sticking with it, given the way Big Ben is throwing the ball right now. No need to panic.

Ben with a great toss, great catch by Ward, followed up by some classic Joe T hyberbole. What a douche.

Willie Parker breaks off a nice run, behind a great crack block from Hines Ward. That 8 yard is Parker’s longest run of the game. Wow. Once again, just a great overall game by the Jags defense.

Jags stop the Steelers once again. Great coverage by Rashean Mathis on Cedrick Wilson. Question, just hypothetically speaking….you need a big 1st down, late in a close game. Why wouldn’t you try to get the ball to Hines Ward?

Jags ball, 10:36 4th Quarter, ball on their own 8

Big 3rd down coversion by the Jags vs. Steelers blitz. Great read by Leftwich. Looked like the play clock might have run out, but what’s done is done.

Another 3rd down for the Jags, quick pass to Reggie Williams….he breaks a couple tackles, takes it all the way down to the Steelers 23. Huge, huge play.

Steelers come w/ the blitz on 3rd down, Jags have a screen called. Perfect play call, but James Farrior blows it up. If he hadn’t made the tackle, that would have gone for 6.

Jags for the FG. It’s GOOD!!! Jags up 6-0. Huge stop by Farrior right there. A TD and a 10-0 lead would’ve been the dagger.

Steelers ball, 6:10 4th Quarter, ball on their own 22

Santonio Holmes, meet big badass special teams guy. Big badass special teams guy, Santonio Holmes.

And there’s the back of Mike Tice’s head!!! We’ve got a trifecta, people.

Big 3rd down conversion by Big Ben. That was all him. Meanwhile, 2 Jags linemen try the old ‘meet you at the QB.’ Unfortunately, they both missed the QB, ended up smacking heads, and then rolling around the ground for a few minutes. Good stuff, good stuff.

Rashean Mathis with a HUGE interception. Not sure why Ben threw that ball. Looks like some miscommunication between him and Holmes. Mathis takes it back to the Steelers 24. That could be ball game right there. If Jacksonville can make this a 2 score game, it’s over.

Joe T annointing Fred Taylor as the 2nd coming for a pretty non-descript 75 yards. Whatever, dude. Theisman, you’re talking too much….more Kornheiser, less Theisman.

Jags with their 3rd FG, making it 9-0! Ballgame. Pittsburgh has no chance with 4:26 left in this one.

Steelers ball, 4:26 4th Quarter, ball on their own 20

Steelers no rushing 1st downs in the whole game? Whoa.

Jags take down Big Ben, looked like a facemask. Steelers moving the ball a little bit, with the Jags sitting back in a zone.

4th down, Steelers gotta go. Meanwhile some random middle age flexes for the camera. Sweet. Big Ben tosses a horrible, Favre-esque flutter ball to no one in particular. Jags get the ball back on downs.

Mike Peterson drills Ben right smack in the appendix on that last throw.

Jags ball, 3:18 4th Quarter, ball around midfield

Joe T refusing to admit that this game is over. It’s over, Joe. Let it go.

Jags just running the ball, milking the clock, getting ready to punt. We’ve seen this schtick a time or two before. We’re gonna go out on a limb and predict another Pittsburgh INT before this one is all said and done.

Steelers ball, 2:13 left, ball on the Pitt 9

We’re at the 2 minute warning. Can we just end it?

Love the Man Law commercials. God, we’d love to hang out with Burt Reynolds. What a fucking bad ass. Burt, if you’re out there…let’s kick it sometime, eh?

And we’re back…MNF crew saying the Steelers haven’t crossed the 50 since the 1st quarter. Wow.

And there’s the pick! Rashean Mathis again. Did we call it, or what? Terrible pass by Big Ben. Rough night for the guy. Well, look on the bright side, Ben…at least you’re not dead.

Jags taking a knee, and we’re done! Lowest scoring game in MNF history, but not a horrible game, really. Very, very good defensive game for Pittsburgh. Phenomenal game for J-ville’s D. Two very good teams. Not a barnburner, but a good, solid, overall game. We got no complaints, and we are out!

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