A Lifetime of Being Kicked in the Balls Continues

By Bob | Permalink | No Comments | September 18th, 2006 | Trackback

People who don’t grow up in Philadelphia might have a hard time understanding why Philly fans are so negative. How could anyone boo Santa Clause, you might ask? Well, I’m here to tell you that Santa Clause is a fat bastard who only breaks kids’ hearts, much like the teams do in Philadelphia.

Yesterday was the latest miserable chapter in my lifelong suffering in the name of a team from Philadelphia. The Eagles were up 24-7 on the NY Giants, seemingly in control of the game and seemingly ready to climb back up on top of the NFC East mountain.

And then it happened.

The trademarked Philadelphia sports team collapse. You know, the collapse that starts with the ‘64 Phillies blowing a huge late season lead and ends with …. take your pick of recent Philadelphia sports disasters.

The plot is all too familiar now. The team on the other side of the field starts to make a move. The team on the good side of the field implodes with mistakes, miscues and miscalculations. The crowd turns its wrath on the good guys and the good guys whither like cowards.

When the Giants got the ball with a little over a minute left in regulation and trailing by three points, I could have turned on This Old House (it happens to be the only other thing shown on Sundays, I know because I watch it instead of Seahawks games) instead of the game and I still would have been able to tell you what was going to happen. Eli Manning, an entirely over-hyped and underwhelming quarterback, cut apart the Eagles’ defense like he was the second coming of Joe Montana. A Teflon-tough receiver named Plexiglass exposed the secondary for the shite it truly is and the shite is always has been. The defensive line decided that the final minute would be a good time to spend lying on their backs. The coaching staff offered no new looks, instead opting to allow Manning to march his team-on-death’s-doorstep down the field to kick the tying field goal. It was easier than it looked.

Overtime was an existential act. You knew Philly would lose. And they did, in typical Philadelphia-sports-teams fashion with a gut-wrenching touchdown completion from the less talented Manning brother to the obnoxious Plexiglass that ended the game and ended the season.

Yes, I know it is only two games into a sixteen game season, but I also know Philadelphia and its teams. The Eagles won’t come back from this one. The fans won’t let them. The media won’t let them. The fragile little psyches in the locker room won’t let them. The history won’t let them. The lack of talent won’t let them. Jevon Kearse’s season-ending injury won’t let them. Fucking Santa Clause won’t let them.

Home » NFL News